CONVERSATIONS WITH LIEUTENANT COLUMBO

Being questioned by an health insurance agent, is like being questioned by Lieutenant Columbo.
Sort of.
If I ever get sick, fucking pull the plug.


The following conversation happened for real. It lasted several hours. Here some of the highlights.
The sentences in blue were pronounced by Sherlock. The ones in pink by Mamaspice.


Hello, my name is Perry Mason. I have in front of me your application for our health coverage. I need to ask you some questions.
Sure, go ahead.
You daughter #4 was diagnosed with asthma; how many times a day does she need medication?
She only needs it when she gets a cold or a cough.....
How many times a day does she cough?
Are you serious?
Then tell me how many times a year does she get sick?
I don't know, three four times....
Does she smoke?
Only a pack a day. She is four.


I see here that your daughter #2 recently had an ear infection....
So?
Did you use herbs to heal her?
No, I used the real stuff, you know: antibiotics.
How long did it take her to heal?
.....seven days.....
SEVEN DAYS?
Ok maybe they were four, four days, final answer.
FOUR DAYS?
How much does your daughter weight?
?


Was your daughter #1 ever pregnant?
Actually she never even got her period yet....
WHY?
What do you mean?


You state you suffer from migraines....
Yes......
Did you ever have surgery for it?
Is there such a thing as a surgery for migraines?
When was the last time you took medications for migraines?
......about three months ago.....
Was it December or January?
mmmmm................................
Will you tell me the exact date?
I 'll tell you what, I took a migraine pill thirty seconds ago, maybe forty.