When Sam iAm is away......the rats will play.
The faucets will leak. The children will barf. The walls will wail.
The Jehovah 's Witness will flock. The cradles will rock.
Last night Sam iAm wasn't home. Last night, in my kitchen, there was a rat eating Halloween candies away.
HOW TO CATCH A RAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (for dummies).
You will need:
1 Tupperware salad container, with lid.
2 issues of Vogue magazine (one only, if it's the September issue).
If you are not that into fashion you will need one volume of The Oxford English Dictionary.
If you went digital and you only have a Kindle, you are screwed. Go back to bed.
Slowly approach the rat from behind and quickly trap it under the bowl while it is sucking at a lollipop. Then put your copy of Vogue on the bowl to secure from tipping.
Have a Vodka. You did well, but you just got started.
With the ability of David Copperfield, slip a blade under the bowl (and rat). Cardboard works as well.
Now flip the bowl and substitute the cardboard with the proper lid. Do not falter.
Make sure the lid burps.
Keep in the freezer for up to three months.
Otherwise dump in the trash (black bin).
After last night experience I understood something about myself.
When I needed it, my instincts backed me up.
Somewhere in my DNA, the memory of hunting for survival, surfaced.