Sunday, November 18, 2012



I have seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhåuser gate.......

I would have also liked to see any member of the crew of the USS Enterprise.
I was especially hoping to meet helmsman Sulu, a.k.a. George Takei, the funniest man on Facebook (his page has 2.9 million fans, mine has only 117, period).
So I forced my friend Lucy in the Sky with diamonds, to go with me at the Star Trek convention at the Westin Saint Francis Hotel.
Not that I had to twist her arm (much).
At the convention we did encounter a few officers of the Next Generation, no Klingons though.
To tell you the truth, one of the reason we went into the Saint Francis, was to ride the big glass elevators that look onto Union Square.
You probably already know where this is going.....
Lucy and I abandon the three ring Star Trek Circus, and pretend to be guests at the hotel.
We enter one of the elevators like we own the place.
Too bad you really have to own a room key to get a lift: NO BUTTONS.
For the next thirty minutes Lucy and I beg hotel guests to escort us up and down.
Some of them can't help but ask - How long have you two been in the elevator?-
To whom Lucy promptly replies  - Since Wednesday!-
 - Two thousand and ten!- I have to add.
What with the height and the thin air, space travel is already getting to my head.
The closest thing ever to TELEPORT. Especially on an empty stomach.

HER(side of the)STORY                     by Lucy O'.

Mamaspice called.
" On November 16th", she announced "we will be attending the Star Trek Convention"

"Hang on, let me get a pen to write that down"I said. Where Mamaspice is concerned, I have learned not to show surprise.

When you go to the movies with Mamaspice, you take off your coat, turn off your phone, and find the optimum position for the popcorn on your lap. Once you are comfortable, she takes your elbow and says " Let's go".
"But why?" you ask if you are new to going to the movies with her.
"The movie is just beginning" you might protest. But Mamaspice is already gone, making her way out. "Scusi"she says to the people along the row as they move their coats and popcorn and legs to allow the diminutive, confused Italian out of the theater. You gather your coat and your popcorn and you follow her, apologizing in English.

"We only saw ten minutes" you say, as your pupils contract in the glare of fluorescent light outside of the darkened theater.
"Thank God" says Mamaspice, "the reviews were terrible. Let's see something else".
And so you might gatecrash two more movies before you go home.

Last year we went to see Lady Gaga in concert. The call came from Mamaspice.
"Lady Gaga is coming in August" she informed me. " We will go"
"Hang on" I replied "Let me get a pen to write that down."

There was a third party on the Lady Gaga adventure, a man who could see Mamaspice, but to whom I was invisible. This time I wore my best cleavage to avoid any misunderstanding about my attendance.

We expected the Westin to be filled with Star Trek devotees, in full garb speaking Klingon to one another. We were disappointed. What awaited us was was a sparsely populated ballroom with a one-to-one chandelier to Trekkie ratio. An actor from Deep Space Nine held the floor. Neither of us Knew what Deep Space Nine was.

Mamaspice took my elbow " Let's go."
There was no one to inconvenience on the way out.

"Let's ride the elevators" she said. I finally understood what we were doing here.
I wanted to ask someone how to get to the elevators but Mamaspice wouldn't allow it. " They'll kick us out" she said. Only guests can ride the elevator." I didn't like to disappoint her with my doubt that we would be ejected from the hotel for refusing to use the stairs.

We found the elevators and walked in nonchalantly with a hotel guest. The guest got out at the first stop. The elevator didn't move.
"We are trapped" said Mamaspice. She could hardly contain her excitement.
We weren't trapped for long. In the time it took Mamaspice to update her Facebook status to Trapped in the Elevators@ the WestinSanFrancisco, we were on the move again.

Five joyrides later, the 29th floor was our highest achievement, we reluctantly left to go home and pretend we were grown ups.

I await the next call to arms and adventure from my friend.

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